Chaos with the in-laws is one of the challenges that so many marriages have and yet, how to build a good relationship with your in-laws in marriage is not commonly talked about.
Based on lots of reports concerning bad relationships with in-laws in marriage, I decided from different testimonies and my experience in marriage to write these tips on how to build a good relationship with them.
I’ve discovered that so many people go into marriage battle-ready because of the bad things they’ve heard about in-laws. This is not a healthy mindset to go into marriage with because this mindset will make you exaggerate which will affect the level of patience that you are supposed to exhibit towards your in-laws. Here is the thing, when you go to your in-laws with a battle-ready mindset, every interaction will appear like war to you and this will make you read meanings into things that you are not supposed to read meanings into.
However, if you go with a peaceful mindset, you will have the space to think things through before passing judgments should any issues arise. Going in with a peaceful mindset will help you have a better relationship with your in-laws rather than going in with a battle-ready mindset.
2. Be yourself.
Another way to build a good relationship with your in-laws from day 1 is to be yourself. Don’t create fake impressions about yourself. For instance, do not go and start spending too much money if you know that you do not have that much. Do not go and volunteer to cook for everyone, if you know that cooking is not your hubby. This is very important because if you give a false impression that you cannot maintain in the long run, it will raise false expectations from your in-laws. This might portray you as a bad person and might affect your relationship.
Note: I am not saying that you shouldn’t be involved in the activities that are going on in the house when you visit e.g cooking or help out with a financial need if you can. All I am saying is that, be clear with who you are. For instance, if you are at your in-law’s place and they are talking about a challenge that needs money, you can help out if you are able to and if not, proudly keep quiet. You will preserve your integrity more if you do not promise something than to promise and not fulfill it or, to spend money at your in-law’s place out of pride and come back to start struggling financially in your family which will still end up bringing shame to you.
3. Give More Grace To Your In-Laws
One truth, why most people don’t have a good relationship with their in-laws is because they do not excuse their in-laws the same way that they excuse their own parents and siblings.
For instance, no matter how many times your sister offends you, you will forgive and still bless her. You will not disown her or ban her from coming to your house because she hurt you. On the other hand, when one of your in-laws offends you, you accumulate so much hatred and want to automatically disown and ban the person from your home. Some go as far as to also cut the relationship of their spouse with their own parents or siblings because they got hurt. Truth is, this is not fair.
Don’t encourage your spouse to easily cut off his family because of a misunderstanding. if your spouse can easily cut off his or her parents or siblings that he or she has known all their lives because of a misunderstanding, then you are also at risk and you will be at the receiving end soon because your spouse doesn’t know you for as long as he or she has known his or her family.
4. Make your boundaries clear.
As a couple, it is very important that you set your boundaries for your in-laws in other to help you build a good relationship with your in-laws from the very start. For instance, you can make it clear to your in-laws that permission has to be taken from both of you before any visits and during the visits, no insult will be allowed. These kinds of boundaries will help your in-laws to know exactly what to expect and decide to behave themselves if they make the choice to visit.
5. Reassure them that you are here for good.
There’s always an emotional feeling attached when someone is leaving a family. Sometimes, why you get the harsh reactions you get from your in-laws is because they are missing their son or daughter. Understand with them, reassure them that everything will be fine and that everyone will still keep in touch.
If you don’t understand this and begin to respond according to their reactions towards you at that time, you will agitate them the more. It might make things worse, and can affect your relationship with them for life. If you exercise patience and tolerate some nonsense, after a while you will realize that it was just a momentary display.
Also check out, ” 3 Major Causes Of Conflicts In Marriage “
Having a good relationship with your spouse is wonderful, but, having a good relationship with your in-laws is very beneficial for your family as this will influence your relationship positively and also help your children to understand family relationships helping them to relate better as siblings as they grow up.