Friendship is the act of being connected to someone based on affection, trust, and a common aim. Friendships can grow into a relationship when it becomes intimate through marriage or blood.
I believe that everyone needs a friend because human nature encourages interactions amongst themselves. This is why as a human, you’ll feel lonely when you’re alone for a long period of time. Sometimes, it can lead to depression. It’s not because you’re an attention seeker, it’s simply because you were wired not to be alone.
However, misunderstanding friendship has made so many people assume that friendship is harmful or not important. Well, this is because there are different types of friendship. There are good friendships and bad friendships.
Friendship includes trust which means that trusting the wrong person can be dangerous. But, if you know how to enter into and build good friendships, friendships can become a blessing.
Meanwhile, some other people think that they’re just bad with friendships which is why their friendships don’t last, so they resort to being alone. Well, the consequence of this kind of decision is that loneliness and depression could come knocking at your door because that natural part of you that needs a companion will not stop screaming.
Moving forward, I’ll be exposing 5 reasons why your friendship doesn’t last.
1. Not understanding what the connection is
The keyword here for both Friendship and relationship is “connection“. I believe that for a friendship to exist, there must be a connection between the two or more people involved. “Connection” is simply the “first block” at the start of a friendship.
The mistake we often make is that we ignore what the connection is and begin to enjoy the pleasure until the friendship crashes simply because we didn’t pay attention to what established it in the first place so as to know how to maintain it.
Hence, it is important to understand what connects the friendship together because that is what will help you to define the kind of friendship it is and know what your role in that friendship is. This will help prevent another failed friendship.
Below are some of the questions to ask yourself to help you identify the connection in your friendships before becoming committed to them.
-How did we meet?
-Why did we start talking?
-What kept us talking?
-Why do you want to keep this friendship going?
These are vital questions that would help you to understand the “connection” in your friendships.
2. Not understanding timing
When you understand the connection, then you’ll understand the timing. Every friendship has it’s time. Some friendships last for a while, some last longer than a while, and some last forever. The timing also depends on what the “connection” in the friendship is.
For instance, friends in school that do assignments together, might not continue as friends after school if they’re not working in the same place with the same functions at work. Some friendships continue after school with some becoming strained and others becoming closer depending on the common interest.
When you understand this, you wouldn’t hold on to friendships that has naturally lost it’s connection.
3. Not knowing the cost
Every friendship has a cost. It might be your time, money, or something else. Know the cost and decide if it’s something that you can pay for or something that the other party can pay for before you become committed to it.
For instance, you can become friends with someone that helped you out with something when you were in need. If you don’t have anything to contribute to this person’s life while this person always comes to your aid when you’re in need, then this friendship will not last.
My advice is, if you’re at the receiving end, receive if you have to but don’t commit to building friendship, don’t start calling or visiting often to start a friendship because it will most likely not last. If you’re at the giving end, give but don’t commit to calling or visiting the person in order to build friendship because you’ll definitely wear out soon.
I’m not saying that you cannot be friends with someone if the person cannot pay back what you’re doing for them. If something else is the “connection” in your friendship and a need arises, you can receive or give help without it affecting your friendship because help is not the “connection” in that friendship. If help was the original “connection”, it will be very difficult to sustain especially if it’s coming from only one person.
4. Giving too much or too little
One of the reasons why your friendship doesn’t last is because you give too little or too much than you are required to. You could do a lot of things too much or too little in a friendship that would turn against you.
For instance, ‘caring’. This might be shocking to you but you could actually lose a friend because you cared too much about them. It might be that you asked questions that they weren’t comfortable with or you stepped into situations that they didn’t want you involved in.
If you feel that you’ve been so loving and caring but yet it’s been hard to maintain a friendship, I want you to think about this…
-Do you always jump in to help someone when you feel that they need your help?
-Were you asked to help before you offered to or did you just jump in to start helping?
-What was their reaction?
If you’re mad at those in your failed friendships because you felt like you sacrificed so much but they didn’t appreciate you, then you probably need to work on yourself because you’re the one that needs the help.
Here is my advice- ask before you help and keep asking if you need to help more than you were allowed to previously.
5. Embracing too quickly
Friendships require trust which means that friendships grow with time. Don’t jump into friendships with people and want to know everything about them at a go.
Know when it’s time to reveal certain information about yourself to people you are just meeting. You could scare people away when you embrace them too quickly and this is one reason why your friendships don’t last.
Learn how to be reserved, build trust and earn trust before you commit completely.
Also check out, ” 7 Steps To Becoming A Success In Life. “
Long-lasting friendships can be beautiful if we know how to start, nurture, build and sustain our friendships. Also, knowing who and who not to be friends with has a direct impact on whether your friendships will last long or not.